The Lost World
by seven dragons
Summary: Stuck in limbo after Mei Lin's departure, Lucien and Jean try to find each other again. However, not all good beginnings have happy endings, and not all happy beginnings end the same way. Jean Beazely has always understood this. Lucien Blake, despite what he had been through, always seemed naively convinced that things would turn out for the best.
1. Chapter 1

Jean stood in the middle of Lucien's bedroom and looked around. The rest of the house was so warm and inviting, and somehow Lucien's room was always gloomy. Even with the curtains open there was never enough light. Jean wondered what could be done to brighten the room up but immediately pushed the thought from her mind. That seemed like an unthinkable topic now. Jean set about the task at hand, stripping the bed and changing the sheets. She stopped before pulling down the blanket to admire Blake's handiwork; crisp corners, carefully smoothed top, better than even she could do. Lucien was messy and often lazy, but he always made his bed to perfection, a remnant no doubt of his military days. Jean smiled a little as she pulled back the black covers, briefly noting that it probably contributed to the room's unfortunate pallor. She set the covers carefully on a chair and set to work removing the sheets from the bed and remaking it with fresh ones. She grabbed a pillow, fluffing it absentmindedly before she pulled the pillow case off. Her fingers slid between the cover and the pillow but stopped there, and she found herself clutching the pillow close to her chest. Jean sat down on the edge of the unmade bed, lost in thought. Her head lowered, she took a deep breath. It smelled just like Lucien.

When Jean had returned from Adelaide they had been so close to each other. There was a physical element to their relationship that they had never had before. It wasn't just hugs and kisses, though she enjoyed that. Jean was no longer afraid to be too near him in a room, no longer concerned that she might let slip a word or gesture that would betray how she felt about him. Jean could show him that she cared without fear of consequences. She recalled the night that they fell asleep on the couch, her head on his chest. She remembered the warmth of his arms, the way his beard tickled her forehead as he kissed her, and how comforting his scent was. It smelled like soap, the slightest hint of sweat, and something undefinable that only belonged to him. Having long since forgotten whatever task they were supposed to be discussing Jean had drifted off, feeling safer and more relaxed than she had in years. They had awoken in the middle of the night, disoriented and giddy. They walked down the hallway hand in hand and when Jean left Lucien at his bedroom door Lucien had tried to pull her in with him into the darkness. Jean had almost let him. Almost.

The pillow she was holding now contained a faint echo of the same smell and she found it intoxicating. She missed him. She missed them. Since Mei Lin left they had been in limbo, not engaged, not a couple, not really apart. She knew she aught to leave but could not bring herself to be parted from him. At the same time she could not contemplate an adulterous relationship, no matter how much she loved him. So they moved carefully about the house, trying to act as if everything were normal, with nothing and everything between them. Jean pulled the pillow closer to her chest. She considered taking the pillow case to her bedroom after she made the bed so she could have a piece of him to keep with her. No one would notice it was missing, and maybe in the dead of night it would feel like he was close to her.

Jean sighed and stood up, reluctantly relinquishing her treasure. No one's bed was going to get made at this pace. It was only then that she became aware of Lucien standing in the doorway, watching her. His face was a mixture of sadness and pity. When he spoke his voice was quiet, almost a whisper.

"You know Jean, you're welcome here any time for any reason. I won't ask any questions and I won't..." He hesitated and gestured in the direction of the bed. "Expect anything."

Jean knew she should be mad but understood he wasn't making a lewd proposition. He was offering comfort and his love. Even now he was devoting himself to her. Jean wished with all her heart that she could accept. Jean nodded faintly and attempted a weak smile, but could not bring herself to engage with him any further on the subject. Head down she walked out of the room, allowing herself to brush his hand on the way past.


	2. Chapter 2

Jean concentrated on the other bedrooms, only coming back around to his when she was sure he was busy in his office. She did a swift job this time to avoid any more awkward conversations. She kept to herself the rest of the evening and much of the next day as well. On top of everything else, Jean had been feeling poorly for quite some time. She suspected it was the weeks of emotional hardship. She hated to admit it to herself, but even Jean Beazely could be worn down with enough pressure. However she was determined to not give Lucien one more thing to worry about. The following evening, Jean was sitting on the couch with knitting in her lap. She wasn't making much progress, her thoughts were lost as they often were these days in trying to find a way forward for Lucien and herself. She hadn't even noticed that the subject of her thoughts had sat down next to her and was looking at her with great interest.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Jean started. "Oh!"

She forced a smile, "Nothing worth that much I'm afraid."

Jean picked up her knitting and resumed her work in earnest. Lucien rested a hand on her arm, stopping her.

"Jean, I'm afraid you've been unhappy the last few weeks, and I'm the reason why."

Jean set down her knitting and took his hand. "No Lucien, it's no one's fault. It's just how things worked out."

"I've been thinking, Jean. Maybe you should go to Adelaide for a while. You had always meant to go back and help care for Amelia."

Jean looked shocked. "You want me to leave?"

"No! It's just the opposite." Lucien turned so he could face her on the couch, placing his hands on her shoulders. "I want you with me every day. I want to," his voice cracked, "I want to care for you, and I want you to be my wife. But I see how unhappy you've become. I know what sort of gossip you have to deal with in town, and then here I haven't made things much better."

Jean looked at him sympathetically, "Lucien,"

"Please hear me out Jean. Go back to Adelaide for a few weeks, or a few months. Spend time with Christopher and your family. I'll pay for a place to stay so you won't have to worry about running out of funds. That will give me time to sort out the divorce while you can escape some of the pressure. And I can come visit you in Adelaide. As I recall I rather enjoyed my last trip there."

Jean blushed furiously.

"Promise me you'll think about it?"

Jean nodded. "I will."

Jean allowed herself to lay her head on his shoulder, a luxury she hadn't dared since Mei Lin arrived. It broke her heart that they had gotten to the point where it was simpler for her to leave than to stay. But everything he said had made sense. A few weeks later she packed her things and prepared for another trip. They decided to employ a house keeper for a few days a week just to keep things tidy. Lucien said he could eat at the club or Charlie and he could fend for themselves at home. Jean was concerned he wouldn't eat right and made no secret of her concern that he'd drink all his meals instead. Lucien assured her that it would only be for a short time and he would be fine. Lucien and Jean said goodbye at the house, knowing that when he dropped her off at the bus stop they could not be seen together, not the way they wanted to be. Lucien held her close, promising to call and write, talking already about their next visit. Jean was in tears and hesitant to let him go.

"My sweet Jean," he breathed into her hair, "It won't be for long. This is the right thing to do, I promise. You'll get to see Christopher and Amelia, and I'll see you soon."

Jean straightened up, dabbing at her tears with his handkerchief, readjusting her clothes in an attempt to regain her former composure.

"Let's go then."

She left the house and headed to the car, with Lucien trailing behind with her suitcases.

Lucien bore the absence well. The first time she went to Adelaide he felt like it was the end, his own stubbornness cost him a chance at happiness, and he found Jean's loss nearly unbearable. He missed Jean now, but he was confident they would see each other soon. They spoke by phone once a week and Lucien wrote often. Jean did not write as frequently, she was busy minding her family as well as getting settled in town. When she did write, she made no secret of how much she missed him. Lucien would stay up late at night in his study, reading and re-reading her letters over a glass of whiskey. Sometimes he caught himself lingering in the doorway of his bedroom staring down at the black bed covers, imagining the day that he would turn in for the night and find Jean there, asleep and beautiful, waiting for him. He knew without experiencing it that he would slide into bed, careful not to wake her up, but she would roll over anyway and curl up into his arms and put her head on his chest. Instead of nightmares, he would fall asleep happy, his mind too full of Jean's presence to let any demons in. The short absence they endured now would be a small price to pay for a lifetime together.

Eight weeks after she left, Lucien arrived in Adelaide. Jean seemed happy to see him, greeting him affectionately in a way that they could not do in Ballarat. However for most of the visit she was distant, even cool at times. Lucien's attempt to take her out on the town, or even enjoy a late evening together was mostly met with claims of tiredness, or a need to take care of family matters. Lucien tried not to call her reasons into question, he knew the separation must be hurting her. With his trip complete he received no more than a polite farewell from Jean. He made the long drive home with a growing knot in his stomach. He knew in his heart he was losing her. He vowed to do everything he could to make it up to her when she returned to Ballarat.


	3. Chapter 3

The next few months passed slower than any time in recent memory. Not since the war had Lucien felt his life crawl so interminably. Days were miserable and hard to bear. Nights were a chain of nightmares and bouts of insomnia, lessened only slightly by heavy drinking. Even several new murder cases did nothing to relieve the tedium. They were an unwanted distraction, ripping him away from a problem he couldn't solve.

When Lucien first returned to Ballarat things seemed to have returned to normal. Lucien and Jean spoke by phone once a week and continued to write. Jean was more formal than before but she still sent letters, and Lucien treasured every one of them. However over the next few months the letters became less frequent and he had trouble reaching her by phone. When he did speak to her he pressed her to arrange a visit, but Jean claimed she was too busy taking care of the baby to see him. He tried to discuss her return to Ballarat but Jean was vague, saying it was too early to tell. Eventually the letters stopped entirely. Lucien never stopped writing, but they were never returned. Shortly after that Lucien could no longer reach Jean by phone. When she would not pick up at her flat, Lucien started calling Christopher's house. Ruby or Christopher would pick up and assure him that Jean was fine, but she was always elsewhere or just "busy" and unable to take his call.

Lucien was baffled. Jean had been so hesitant to leave for Adelaide. Lucien remembered her saying she didn't know how she would get by not seeing him for so long and Lucien had believed her. Why wouldn't he? After everything they had been through they were closer than ever. Even if he couldn't love her the way he wanted to, they could still love, and he'd hoped the time away would make things easier for her. Lucien decided he needed to go to Adelaide and talk to her whether Jean wanted to see him or not. He needed to hear her voice and look into her eyes, and if Jean would not tell him what was wrong then he would kiss her until it was better anyway. He was not going to leave until she believed that he loved her, that a few months apart could not break them. Before leaving Lucien purchased a gold necklace with a heart charm, its chain running through a small hole in the center. His divorce from Mei Lin was still some months away. He knew Jean would not accept his engagement ring but he hoped she would take this and wear it for him. He wanted her to see that he still intended to marry her.

At the Beazely residence in Adelaide, Jean stood at the kitchen washing up while Ruby dabbed cereal off of Amelia's clothes.

"Are you staying for lunch?"

"No I don't think so, Ruby. I think I'll go back to my flat for the day, I have to do laundry. I am going to stop by the market on the way home. Is there anything you need for here?"

"A few things if you don't mind."

"Not at all, I'll bring them over in the morning."

The squalling of a newborn pierced the air. Ruby moved to get up but Jean stopped her.

"You tend to Amelia. I'll go get Cliffy."

Jean left the kitchen and was in the other room when someone knocked on the door. She did not give it any thought, the families on the military base were close and people came and went all the time. When she came back out into the sitting room, Lucien was waiting for her. He stood smiling nervously, his navy blue fedora clutched in front of him.

"Jean."

"Lucien! What are you doing here?"

"I haven't seen you in six months. I missed you."

Lucien patted something in the pocket of his waistcoat and started to take a step forward but thought better of it.

"How are you?"

Jean continued to stare at him, wide eyed. "Fine. Thank you."

They stood for what felt like an eternity, both too stunned to know what to say. Finally Lucien turned his attention to the small infant in Jean's arms. He looked up at Ruby, who had been watching them from the far end of the room warily.

"Ruby! I didn't know you had another baby. Congratulations!"

Ruby smiled politely. "I think I am going to take Amelia for a walk and see if I can get her to go to sleep. Jean do you want me to take Cliff?"

"No Ruby, I'm fine. You go ahead."

Jean watched after Ruby as she left the room, turning again to face Lucien. Lucien was still smiling hopefully.

"Jean. I'm surprised you never told me they had another baby."

Jean stared at the ground, holding the infant close.

"Lucien, he doesn't belong to Christopher and Ruby."

Jean paused, chancing a quick glance up at Lucien, who seemed confused.

"Cliff is my baby, Lucien. I'm his mother."

"What?"

"I gave birth almost six weeks ago."

Lucien looked like he had been punched in the stomach. "I don't understand. I never...we never."

"He's not yours, Lucien. How could he be?"

"Then who's the father?"

"No one you know. An old school friend passing through town. When Mei Lin came back I thought it was over between you and I. I was distraught. It was just one night but," Jean stared down in dismay at the baby, who had drifted back to sleep despite the commotion.

"Did you know you were pregnant before you left for Adelaide?" Lucien's voice was clipped now, his face flushing with anger. Jean looked at him with sympathy.

"No, Lucien. I found out a few weeks after I arrived. I wanted so badly to tell you when you came to visit. I didn't know how. I'm sorry." Jean looked away, tears forming at the corners of her eyes.

Lucien drew in a sharp breath. "I just don't understand. After everything we've been through. How could you just step out with another man like that?"

"Step out on you? How can I be unfaithful to a married man?" Jean's voice was rising now.

"I never saw you. You were gone all day with Mei Lin. You barely spoke to me. And then you started disappearing nights too. What was I supposed to think?"

Lucien glared at Jean, his voice unsteady. "I never slept with Mei Lin."

"How was I supposed to know that, Lucien? I thought I'd lost you. Just once I wanted someone to love me. He wanted me. Just one night I wanted to feel something other than pain, with someone who actually wanted to be with me."

Jean's shouting woke the baby, who started to cry. Neither of them seemed to notice.

When Lucien finally spoke his voice was no more than a growl. "I wanted you. I have always wanted you. And you just..."

Lucien gestured in disgust at the baby and walked out.


	4. Chapter 4

Jean stood under a tree in a park in Adelaide next to a broad plaid blanket. Amelia was walking now and Jean followed her as she made unsteady but determined forays out into the sunshine. All the while she kept an eye on Cliff, lying on the blanket, who seemed fascinated by the leaves above. Every few feet Jean would herd Amelia back in the direction of the blanket. Finally Amelia plopped down on the ground beside Cliff, turning her attention to the dirt. Jean laughed and sat down next to her, holding out her hand so Amelia could deliver specks of dirt and grass for Jean's inspection. Lucien watched all this from a distance and his heart ached. He approached slowly, willing himself to be calm. When he got to the edge of the blanket Jean's head was tilted towards the dappled sunlight. Unaware of his presence, she seemed at peace, her face reflecting a serene beauty he had not seen in a long time. Lucien considered whether he might do better to leave her that way, but no sooner then he thought it then Jean's head snapped in his direction.

"Jean," he said her name as gently as possible.

Jean's face fell and she picked up Cliff protectively.

"Lucien."

"Ruby said I might find you here."

"She told you where I was?"

"Yes. Please don't be cross with her I...I told her I just wanted to talk with you. I promised her I wouldn't bother you otherwise."

Jean considered him coldly.

"May I sit down? Just for a minute?"

When Jean didn't respond, Lucien sat on the opposite side of the blanket. He dropped the gold necklace he had purchased months ago on the corner of the blanket, hoping it might draw her curiosity at some point. Jean looked out over the park, her face impassive. Amelia, happy for a new person to play with, crawled over and tried to climb up Lucien's arm. Lucien laughed.

"I can't believe she's walking already."

"Yes. Once this one starts walking I don't think I'll be able to take them to the park alone anymore. I'm not fast enough for both of them."

"Have they been good to you? Ruby and Christopher Jr.?"

"Yes, they have. I don't think Ruby and I will ever be friends but we get along well enough. It's much easier to take care of the children if we work together, even with the two of them. And I have my flat so we get some privacy. No one getting on each other's nerves much. Christopher was furious when, well, but anyway Ruby talked him round and we've been fine since."

Jean looked down at the ground.

"Jean."

"Which reminds me. It's time I started paying my own bills. You've been so generous, but it's not right. I can't ask that of you. I can pay the landlady directly but I don't trust that she won't take your money too. I can send you a pound or two a month now. I know it's not much, but once I start working again I'll be able to send more. It will take a while but I promise I'll pay you back."

"Jean I won't hear of it."

Jean cut him off, "I can't continue to live off you Lucien. It's not fair to you, and it's not right."

"Please Jean, don't worry about that right now."

Jean continued to divide her attention between the children and the park beyond, never looking in Lucien's direction. The baby in Jean's lap began to fuss. Jean lifted him onto her shoulder.

"I'm going to have to take him home and feed him soon."

Lucien leaned over slightly, running a finger over one of his small balled up fists.

"I can't believe how big he's getting already. What did you say his name is?"

"Radcliffe. But we just call him Cliffy."

"Radcliffe? That's my middle name."

"I know."

Lucien's voice became dangerously low. "You named another man's child after me."

Jean shifted so her back was turned to him. She cradled the baby in her arms, her face lowered over him. When she spoke her voice sounded distant.

"Yes. I suppose there's no point in lying about it. I always wished he could be yours. Ours. I didn't think I'd see you again, and I wanted something to remember you by."

The sound of his voice, muffled and incoherent, caused Jean to turn around. Lucien's eyes were filled with tears.

"Jean. I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. I never should have left. I sent you away to Adelaide when I should have cherished you. Then I turned my back on you when you needed me the most. Please Jean."

Jean's face was impassive.

"I have no right to ask this of you but please, Jean. I want you to come home. Let me take care of you and the baby."

"And what would people say then, me returning to your house with a baby and you still married? Then both our reputations will be ruined."

"Not if you're my wife. The divorce came through a few weeks ago. We could marry right away, in Adelaide, and either I'll say the boy is mine or we can say we've adopted. Whatever you want."

Jean looked up at him and appeared to be considering the matter, but Lucien could see her eyes were full of pain.

"I'm sorry Lucien. I don't think I could bear to have you back and then get turned away again."

Jean looked around, suddenly aware of the gathering darkness as the sky filled with clouds.

"It's going to rain. And I need to get these two back for lunch. Would you mind standing up please?"

Jean placed Cliff in the pram followed by Amelia, admonishing her to stay seated. She picked up the plaid blanket and folded it up, hanging it over the front. The gold necklace Lucien had placed there fell unnoticed to the ground. Lucien stared at it in dismay and then back at Jean. Jean walked away without a backwards glance leaving Blake to call after her.

"Jean, please! I'd never leave you!"

A strangled cry from Lucien caused Jean to briefly slow her pace before she squared her shoulders and continued on her way.

The next morning Lucien stood at the front door of the Beazely's small brick house. He had convinced himself over a sleepless night that his appearance has been too abrupt and with some time to think about it Jean might reconsider. Seeing her yesterday had been agony. He had felt being without her the last few months was hard to bear, but sitting next to her, unable to hold her, knowing she would never believe he loved her was far worse. There wasn't a day that went by that he didn't regret leaving her standing there in her son's living room.

He knew it had been a mistake as soon as he walked out the door. When Mei Lin returned he had turned his attention towards trying to reconcile with his wife. It was unreasonable for Lucien to expect Jean to wait for him to make up his mind. He knew it was shame that kept Jean from telling him the truth, fear of how he would react, and he had only made it worse. The night he returned to Ballarat he had gone up to Jean's room, undressed, and slept nearly naked in Jean's bed. It was not lost on him that this was an impropriety he had never enjoyed when they were together. He desperately needed to feel her, to be where her skin had been. That night he had such sweet dreams, like he had not had in decades, despite the bitterness of the day before. Jean was in every one, always too distant to touch but he could feel her presence. In each dream Jean was always waiting for him with open arms. After that night he never went back into her room for fear of going mad with want. The weeks after that he was a prisoner of his own pride. Unable to even think about what had happened he threw himself into his work, trying to forget Jean entirely. Until one day without even thinking he walked out of the police station after finishing a case, got into his car, and headed towards Adelaide.

Lucien raised his fist to knock and lowered it several times, unsure of what to say. Finally he decided he needed to get on it with. He needed to see Jean whether he found the right words or not. Leaving Adelaide without her was not an option. Ruby opened the door, her polite smile becoming cold when she laid eyes on him.

"Good morning, Doctor. How may I help you?"

"Ruby. I am so sorry to bother you again. Is Jean here? I went around to her flat but she wasn't there."

"Yes, she's in the kitchen making breakfast for the children."

"May I come in? I'd like to speak with her if she has a moment."

"I'm sorry Dr. Blake, she doesn't want to see you."

"Come now are you telling me I can't come in and speak to her for five minutes? Let Jean tell me whether she wants to see me or not."

Lucien's voice was raised now. Christopher appeared at the door. He stepped out through the doorway so swiftly that Lucien was forced back a few steps.

"Is there a problem Ruby?"

Christopher glared at Lucien, his slight form looking intimidating in uniform. Lucien took off his hat and shuffled his feet, clearly embarrassed.

"No. I'm sorry Christopher, I won't trouble you again."

Without another word, Lucien got into his car and drove away, not stopping until he was back in Ballarat.

Later that evening Jean sat alone in her flat, happy for some peace and quiet. She sat as she had too many nights before, at the unsteady folding aluminum card table that passed for a kitchen table. The flat had a comfortable couch, but she liked it here, the aqua padded surface of the table reminded her of her kitchen in Ballarat. Lucien's brief appearance had been unnerving. The ensuing row between Ruby and Christopher had left Jean in the awkward position of witnessing a fight that was about her that she was not a participant in. Christopher was right to hold Lucien at bay, Jean had been very clear that there was nothing more to be said between them. However Ruby understood things, saw things, that Christopher would never understand. Ruby knew that the unfortunate events of the past few months had not changed how Jean felt about him, and that whatever Jean had assumed about Lucien's intentions was wrong.

Jean looked down at Cliff lying in her lap. None of that mattered now. She had to consider what was best for their baby. Her baby. She wanted it to be Lucien's so badly that she had started thinking of him as the father, and had to remind herself that this wasn't the case. Jean gazed into Cliff's large brown eyes as he gurgled happily at her, knowing that he could never have inherited those brown eyes from Lucien. Jean found it bitterly ironic that it was Lucien who taught her that.

Jean sighed. She could not deny, even to herself, that she still loved him. Nothing that had transpired in the last few months had changed that. She missed him every day. She needed him every day. He had been right to reject her for what she had done. She had betrayed their love and everything he sacrificed for her, including his wife, but that knowledge didn't make his rejection hurt any less. While the blame was hers she could no longer trust him. She did not doubt that he wanted her back, but taking on a family not his own was another story. She could risk her heart but not her child's wellbeing. She would be moving to a much cheaper flat soon so she would no longer be depending on his charity. With that last bond severed, he would be free to move on. Her life and Cliff's would be difficult for a while but it would be stable and they would get by. Jean was a survivor and she would press on no matter what. A life without Lucien would be her penance for the love she had so carelessly thrown away. Jean lifted Cliff to her shoulder, unwilling to let even a child of a few months witness the tears that were now falling down her cheek.


	5. Chapter 5

Jean spent the afternoon tidying up, as well as dropping her few possessions into boxes. Most of her things were still in Ballarat. She'd have to retrieve them at some point, but it was still something she couldn't bring herself to think about. Cliff was on a blanket in the sitting room. He tried to push himself up on his arms every time Jean walked past. He would be crawling before she knew it and Jean would need to watch him much closer if he wasn't in his crib. Jean looked at the time.

"It's time for your nap mister."

It didn't take long for him to fall asleep. Jean smiled as she watched him, apparently trying to roll over was hard work. A knock on the door sent Jean out of the small bedroom.

When she opened it Lucien was standing there. His customary coat and hat were missing and he looked haggard. Caught unawares Jean stared at him, her heart caught in her throat.

"Hello, Jean."

"Lucien."

"Um, may I come in."

Jean took a moment to think it over before responding. "No, I don't think so."

"Please Jean."

"You know it's rude of you to keep showing up unannounced like this. And for heaven's sake it's an eight hour drive!"

"Well I certainly tried to let you know I was coming. You won't accept my calls. You didn't return my letters. I suppose you don't even read them."

An elderly lady opened the door next to Jean's and peered into the hallway, drawn out by their raised voices. Lucien and Jean both turned to look at her.

Jean sighed, and then quietly, "I do read them. I read every one."

Jean stepped aside and let him into the flat.

Lucien looked around.

"Where's Cliff?"

"Sleeping."

"Ah. And these boxes?"

"I am looking for someplace more affordable. Then I can start paying my own way."

Lucien looked around. "We hardly letted you a palace. But as long as you're packing your things you can come home with me."

"I can't do that Lucien."

"Then please stay here. I want you to. I promised when you left that I'd take care of you."

"Yes, me, for a few months until I returned to Ballarat. You never planned to take care of me and someone else's child indefinitely."

"He's my child Jean."

Jean looked at him in disbelief. She wondered if they were both going mad.

"I don't care who the father is, Jean. Cliffy is mine and I am going to take care of both of you."

"Lucien, you can't change your mind with a baby like you changed your mind with me. I can't raise a child with that much uncertainty. I deserved to lose you after what I did. I don't blame you, but with a child it doesn't matter."

Jean's eyes began to tear up and she turned away from him.

"And I couldn't bear it if you left me again."

Lucien took a step closer.

"Jean I have never regretted anything in my life more than walking away from you that day.

If you want me out of your life then I'll go and never bother you again. But you'll never convince

me that we don't belong together."

Lucien placed a hand on her shoulder and gently turned her so she was facing him.

"Jean, I love you. These last few months without you have been terrible. I want you back. I want both of you back. We can be a family."

Lucien tried to offer a reassuring smile, but Jean looked like she was about to burst out sobbing and his face fell. When she spoke her voice was unsteady.

"I can't Lucien. We just can't. I shouldn't have let you in the flat at all."

"Fine then. Tell me you don't love me. Tell me you don't love me and I promise I will walk out of here and never bother either of you again."

Jean looked into his eyes and was surprised to see fear. He was close, so close it was impossible not to remember how it was before. Lucien moved his hands to her arms but hovered there, barely touching her, his hands shaking. Jean lowered her head, stiffly leaning into his chest, her hands clutched tight in front of her. For several heartbeats they just stood there, Lucien afraid to touch her and Jean unwilling to walk away. Suddenly Lucien was covering her with kisses; her face, her neck, her collar bone, hungrily reaching for any piece of skin he could find. Jean gasped involuntarily, grabbing at the front of his waistcoat with both hands. When his lips finally found her mouth he pulled her close, holding Jean tight against him. Much more slowly, Jean slid her hands over his sides, gradually wrapping her arms around him.

At some point they both became aware of a baby crying. They stood for a moment, foreheads touching, breathless, their kisses not entirely erasing the tears on both their cheeks.

"I should get him," Jean said quietly.

Lucien placed a kiss on Jean's forehead.

"You stay here. I'll get him."

Jean gave him a concerned look but Lucien smiled broadly.

"Oh come now, I think I can handle a four month old baby."


	6. Chapter 6

_Epilogue, two years later_

Lucien sucked in a breath of cold air. It was dark. Too dark. He tried to open his eyes only to find them forcibly pressed shut. He felt like something heavy was pressing down on him and it was hard to breathe. He could hear something rustling nearby, but the world was shut out.

"Jean?"

Silence.

"Jean?!"

"Mmm?"

"Why can't I see, Jean?"

She paused for too long a time before responding. Lucien held what little breath he could find.

"Cliffy is sitting on your head."

"What?"

Lucien reached up and removed the offending weight from his pillow and settled the now giggling child on top of his chest. He looked over at Jean, who was reading by the bed stand lamp wearing a tan cardigan against the early morning chill.

"Why didn't you move him?"

"He seemed comfortable," Jean looked smug. "Besides, he muffled the snoring."

"Snoring? He almost muffled my living! And I don't snore." Jean gave him a pointed look.

"What time is it anyway?"

"Half past five."

"Goodness me. How did he get out of his room again?"

Jean huffed and put down her book. "He's your son you tell me."

She scooped up Cliff and leaned over to plant a quick kiss on Lucien's cheek before pulling the mint green bedspread up over his chest.

"You go back to sleep. I'll get him dressed and go start breakfast."

Lucien grunted sleepily in response before rolling over.

A few hours later, Lucien came into the kitchen and cheerfully greeted Jean again. He sat down and perused the morning paper while Jean cut up small bits of egg and bread for Cliff.

"Are you going to start looking for a nanny today?"

Jean turned around and looked thoughtful. "I haven't decided."

Lucien looked up from his paper. "Jean you promised you'd think about it. It's clear we can't expect Cliffy to stay quietly in one place anymore, and you can't mind him during surgery. It would only be a few hours a week."

Jean sighed, "I just don't know. It doesn't seem right."

"Honestly Jean someone else can follow him around the house and watch him pull all the books off the shelves. They really can."

Jean laughed. Lucien leaned over and covered Jean's hand with his.

"Jean, if you really don't want to that's fine. I'll just get an assistant for the surgery."

Jean looked affronted. "That's my job!"

"Well..." Lucien shrugged.

"All right. I'll start making inquiries."

Lucien smiled. "Speaking of surgery what is my schedule like today Mrs. Blake?"

Jean grinned, as she always did when he called her that.

"Nothing until this afternoon I think."

"Excellent. Maybe after the weather warms up I can take Cliffy to the lake. What do you say, old man? Would you like to go to the lake?"

Cliff pounded on his high chair excitedly. "Ducks!"

Jean and Lucien exchanged an impressed look before Lucien smiled, patting the boy on the head before getting up.

"Ducks it is."

Lucien picked up his newspaper and tea cup and headed into his office, pausing to kiss Jean on the cheek as he passed by.


End file.
